| |
| |
|
Relationships, All the info you need! |
|
|
|
Being A Friend Through A Divorce
We used to joke amongst the couples we are close to, "who would get custody of the friends in a divorce". We are a very close group of friends that met in college around 20 years ago, and have remained close through many of life's changes and transitions. Never did we think that our joke would have to eventually be addressed. The day that my best friend told me that her marriage was in trouble was devastating. Here was a couple that we shared our lives with. Her husband and mine had been roommates the same year that she and I lived together in college. We stood up in each others weddings. We were godparents for one of their boys, they godparents to our son. He helped us build our house. We spent weekends together, holidays, birthdays. Suddenly all that was going to come to an end and I had to think quickly about how I would find balance between two people that I cared about. Through some trial and error, here are some of the things I learned about being a friend to divorcing friends. A. Listen. It is sometimes very, very difficult, but key. You are not going to solve your friend's problems, only they can. Allowing your friends to talk about their feelings, or talk through the situation, helps them to start the process of healing. Remember too that as a listener, sometimes the less said the better. Silence can be one of the strongest coach/counseling tools you have in your arsenal. More healing can be done in the silent times than in the talking. Let there be silence when there isn't anything to say. It is really ok. B. Focus on the person that you are talking to, not the spouse. My friend couldn't change her husband's behavior, but she could change how she was responding to him, or how she internalized the things that he said. These were things she could control and growth she could make. Beating him up behind his back will only go so far in making her feel good. C. Don't play favorites. This was the hardest thing for me and continues to be. My best friend was hurt terribly and I instinctively wanted to protect her and validate her. Though I wouldn't often bad mouth him to her, I would do it to my husband, which made things within our relationship stressful. Even though this divorce was the result of some bad decision making on the part of my friends husband, he was still someone she had devoted her life to for ten years, the father of their children and my husband's friend. I needed to always keep that in mind. If you have to rant and rave negativeness, it is best to find a third party or write in your journal. D. Make sure that you do things with your friend that takes his/her mind off their miseries. If you always get together and just talk about the divorce, soon you will get burned out and your friendship will start to struggle. You need to continue to groom the things that made your friendship strong before the marital problems started. Not to mention that your friend is probably eating, sleeping, living the divorce 24/7 and some time off from that will give them a renewed attitude and help them to see that there will continue to be life after their divorce. E. Find ways to continue traditions and make new ones. My friend and I started to get together for our kids to make gingerbread houses at Christmas time before her divorce began. We still do this and have expanded the day to included going out to cut our Christmas tress and exchange gifts. Even though we know that traditions help to normalize things for kids, they can do the same things for adults and again be a reminder that your friends and family are important. Divorce is a stressful and difficult time for both the couple and their friends. It is not unusual to hear that friends felt inclined to choose one person or the other because the divorce made things uncomfortable. With a little hard work and commitment, friendships can continue to grow, flourish, develop, and be successful. Kim Dziobak is a personal coach dedicated to working with individuals and families.
MORE RESOURCES:
Debt-Relief - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
How to Handle Problem People: Life Lessons from a Balky Bovine Do you have people in your life that p? (make you angry)?You know the ones I'm talking about. It may be your child, partner, colleague, or boss. Recognizing Unhealthy Relationships One of the keys to obtaining a better life or living arrangement is to assess the quality of relationships that you surround yourself with. Do you surround yourself with loving relationships or unhealthy relationships? For someone that has a pattern or history with unhealthy relationships, the difference between the two may be difficult to decipher. Has The Magic Gone From Your Relationship? Kathleen and Dan have been together for several years now. At first it was magic and Dan was so romantic and attentive. Relationship Conflict - Blow Up or Blow Through Every now and then I hear a "relationship expert" say that they have never had a argument with their spouse. This is when I find myself thinking this person is either lying or certainly can't relate to me. Building the Bond in Your Relationship A bond (relationship wise) is when two people have a connection. Being attracted to each other and sharing common values and interests brought the two of you together as a couple, but the bond has not been set completely. Diamond Solitaire Rings - The Ultimate In Engagement Rings There are no better rings to seal your engagement than diamond solitaire rings. The ultimate in diamond rings, diamond solitaire rings are the only ring for the woman who wants the best in wedding jewelry. Soulmates, Are They Pre-ordained? One day a telegram arrived at a man's door. When he opened it, he learned that his best friend had passed away. The Thoughts that Occupy the Minds of Most Men Please note that this is not an attempt to give you a comprehensive list of the thoughts of all men, but rather my attempt to lead you into the crevice of the minds of most men. There are certainly men that do not think of most of the things here - those yet to be born. How to Build Solid Relationships Using the Power of Words We may not be aware of it; but the words we utter daily may have different interpretations, even if you think that they mean the same thing.Here's an example. Relationship Failing? Consider Your Ways WhenWe all need to consider our ways. So many times we operate in a state of being that is selfish and inconsiderate. To Love Or To Be In Love What is the basic difference between loving someone and being in love with the person? Before we can be sure that we have found true love, we need to be sure what these two terminologies mean.Is it possible to meet someone, connect with the person and love the person's personality, way of life, etc? Truly be comfortable with such a person? Certainly! Most of us know significant others in our lives who fall into this category. To Cheat or Not To Cheat You know I am getting fed up with people who cheat. That seems to be the norm these days. Honesty Accepted - Deception Denied We've all done it at one time or another, or will do it sometime in the future. Regardless of when you do it, just remember you will get caught eventually and when you do, you cannot bury your head in the sand. Are You Codependent or Independent? Why is it that depending on others to fulfill our self worth is a concept that we all can relate to? Sacrificing what our thoughts, emotions, decisions, and likes or dislikes are, for the betterment of someone else's.It is as if depending on the other person who you hold so high is more fulfilling then standing alone, independent of the other. Romantic Gift Guide It is a commonly held belief, mainly amongst men, that romantic gestures are only given on Valentines Day. This shouldn't be the case however, and a romantic gift or gesture given at any time of the year can make your loved one feel really special. Did He Think of Me? As a betrayed partner this was one of the first questions that I asked my husband when I found out about his affairs. Each affair elicited the same response from me. Great Relatinship Advice: The Ability to Meet Emotional Needs Harville Hendrix, in his book ``Getting the Love You Want'' has some interesting and helpful notions about the process of falling in love. According to Hendrix, as we fall in love with someone, we believe that this person will be able to meet all of our emotional needs. How to Get Over a Breakup This is one of the most difficult parts of a love life to get over, it is how to get over a relationship break up. It is tough nursing a broken heart, and we all need a little help to get over this broken heart. What's Special About Abused Women? Before writing this article, I stopped and thought hard. By writing this, would I be putting potentially harmful information in the hands of abusive men? Would I be putting more women at risk? The answer kept coming back 'no' - although the question did bring to mind another characteristic of abused women that I'll come back to. I Have A Secret to Share Dear Candace,I have been through a lot over the last 3 years. I have divorced, suffered from cancer, and started a new relationship with someone I care a great deal about.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2007 RichiesList.com |
