| |
| |
|
Relationships, All the info you need! |
|
|
|
Are You Paralysed By The Fear Of Future Regrets?
Edith Piaf remains an icon and her best loved song, "Non, je ne regrette rien", remains an anthem in part because of the issues that so many of us have with regret. If the emotionally vulnerable Parisian sparrow could live free from regrets then maybe the rest us can also. Women who are just starting out on their journey of recovery from abuse are often stymied by the spectre of future regret. Curiously, that regret isn't generally about wasting their time, love and energy on an emotional Neanderthal. Instead it's about their own perceived failures in the relationship and the fear that they might yet realise that they have given up on a good thing. (Quite why a 'good thing' would masquerade so resolutely as a bad thing defies explanation. But any woman who is prepared to believe in the fundamental goodness of her partner, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, should never accuse herself of a lack of optimism. Sure, it may be misplaced, but it proves that she has a capacity for unlimited optimism that she can begin to turn to her own advantage.) Future regret is a worst-case scenario in which a woman views her unhappy relationship through rose coloured blinkers and sees a yet more distorted and selective reworking of reality. Future regret is actually an expression of present fear: fear that she will never again encounter such a wonderful human being (truly); fear that life has nothing more to offer her, nor she to offer life; fear of the void that awaits her. Abuse breeds fear, and fear breeds paralysis. It's powerful stuff. But where does it come from? Abusive partners endlessly - and in all seriousness - tell women just how wonderful they, the abusers, are. They brainwash women into accepting a questionable worldview in which abused women have been blessed with the incredible, unrepeatable good fortune of being tolerated by a prince-among-men? Now, suppose these women have already been subjected to a schematic vision of the world in which their alleged unworthiness is tolerated (just), by their (wonderful) parents or family members. Then, much of the groundwork has already been done, even before a prince-among-men (P-A-M) appears, croaking his endearing frog-like croak. Given their lack of self-assurance, abused women assume that a P-A-M-free future is likely to be worse than reality ŕ deux. They don't think that this is actually an incredibly tall order. Abusive men are, after all, past masters at ensuring that things are as bad as they can get. (Some will continue to do so, even after the woman ends the relationship.) Nevertheless, it is possible for abused women to create the future they want for themselves. All the more so once they realise that present fears cannot accurately predict future reality. In "The Sedona Method", Hale Dwoskin makes the telling observation: "Feelings only lie. They tell us we are going to get from letting go of them what we already have from holding on to them." So it is with our fears and regrets. What we fear we will regret by letting go of a situation, is simply what we have by holding on to it. As a general principle, people who instil in you a fear of what you might live to regret are precisely those who feel they stand to lose by what you might decide. Their (unspoken) fear is that you might spread your wings and fly, leaving them behind, earth-bound. In other words, in an undeniably neat manoeuvre, they have managed to dump their fear onto you, in the guise of your alleged future regret. Once you can see how regret is designed to hamstring you, you can start to move forward into the unknown and the future free of your old fear. C) 2005 Annie Kaszina Joyful Coaching An NLP Practitioner and Women's Empowerment Coach, Annie specialises in helping women heal the trauma of the past, so they can enjoy the present and look forward to the future. Email:annie@joyfulcoaching.com To subscribe to Annie's twice monthly ezine, or order her eBook 'The Woman You Want To Be, go: to http://www.joyfulcoaching.com
MORE RESOURCES:
Group advocates tax increases and non-user fees for sewer debt relief - The Birmingham News - al.com
Debt-Relief - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Relationship Advice: After the Break Up - Creating an Exit Door in Your Heart Q. It's been over a year since the guy I thought I would be married to broke up with me. How to Improve Relationships with Feng Shui Remedies In order to improve relationships, many people have increasingly turned to Feng Shui remedies hoping to find a solution for their woes.The Feng Shui used in this article is the Eight Mansion (Pa-Kua) School under the Xuan Kong System. The Economics of True Love In the real world, can there be romance without finance? A common saying: No romance, without finance. But what does it mean really? After a little thought about it and a hard look at the big picture, we see that it actually derives from the fact that in the real world, there is actually some level of bias to any decision we make, including our decision to love or be in love. Rediscovering Love and Intimacy Wendy started counseling with me because Terence, her husband of 14 years, had just expressed to her that he wanted to end their relationship. Wendy, terrified of being alone, was panicked. If You Cannot Make Friends, Make Foes There are few desires (if any) stronger than the deep wish to be liked. The first time you realized that not everybody liked you, it was a shock. Relationships Technology The notion that there can be a technology of relationships basically contradicts what we all know aboout relationships. There are entire bookshelves about relationships. Can This Relationship Be Helped? I have been counseling couples for 35 years. Quite often individuals come in for help wondering if it is really possible to save or improve their relationship. What is Abuse? Violence in the family often follows other forms of more subtle and long-term abuse: verbal, emotional, psychological sexual, or financial.It is closely correlated with alcoholism, drug consumption, intimate-partner homicide, teen pregnancy, infant and child mortality, spontaneous abortion, reckless behaviours, suicide, and the onset of mental health disorders. Should I Give Up Me To Not Lose You? How far can you afford to bend your values to preserve your relationship? How far can you go in giving yourself up to avoid losing your partner? How much of yourself can you afford to sacrifice to not lose someone you love? How do we find the balance between maintaining our integrity and bending our values?Most relationships require us to bend to a certain extent, but how much can we bend without a sense of loss of self?There is an inherent paradox in these questions: A truly loving relationship is a relationship where each person accepts and even values the differences between them. If you have to excessively bend your values to preserve the relationship, what are you preserving? You are not preserving a loving relationship since love does not demand that you excessively bend your values. The 100 Laws In any group of abused women there's almost always at least one who is extremely attractive; well groomed, well presented and the complete opposite of the kind of stereotypes that people normally harbour.At one domestic violence workshop, I met a stunning young woman. ARC of Understanding In relationship we all make mistakes and sometimes we are insensitive to the needs of others, especially those very close to us All this leads to disappointments and resentments. The answer to handling disappointments is understanding. Relationship Spring Cleaning by Susan Sheppard History doesn't belong in a relationship that is presentMy friend, Jack Rafferty, the famous Man-Woman Coach, used to say "don't clean the clean" referring of course to relationship. What he meant by that was once you have gotten angry, argued, and "effectively dealt with" something that happened that hurt your feelings, be done with it. 7 Ways To Improve Your Relationship Good relationships don't just happen. I've heard many of my clients state that, "If I have to work at it, then it's not the right relationship. If He Insists That You Work... Once, when asked about her life, former First Lady Barbara Bush said, "I married well."Is it wrong to want to marry well? Ladies, it's all about survival - and it's all about what you will be able to do for your children. To Hold or to Set One Free! Hope you all are doing well and enjoying great health. There were terrorist attacks in London and even here in India we are facing many natural calamities; but as they say, everything in life is having some purpose and one must learn to carry on. Sometimes You Got to Spy - Dealing with Online Infidelity Online infidelity is more prevalent than you think. This includes chatting with unknown faces and watching or seeing porno. Confession of the Egoists! Hamlet has given this generation an awfully amazing and defensive quote "to be or not to be". This article is not at all a serious philosophical one but the humor in life has given birth to a new philosophy. Daisies A Story About Life "I love daisies too," she told him several nights after they first met. She wasn't sure why she blurted it out but it seemed the normal thing to say considering the conversation they were having. Great Relationship Advice: The Ability to Resolve Conflict Conflict in a relationship is both normal and painful. In working with couples I have found that it's the successful resolution of the conflict that strengthens the couple's bond and brings them closer together. Aromatherapy : A Scent Away for Great Relationships Is it possible that a scent can make you more mellow and increase dramatically the relation with you and your mate? Can you calm the kids down instantly? Do you wish that you would feel and look more in control for the big meeting? Thousands of people around the world have discovered the powerful benefits of Aromatherapy. And you can do it to.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2007 RichiesList.com |
