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Relationships, All the info you need! |
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Are Men and Women Really from Different Planets?
Are men really from Mars, and women from Venus?'what women want,' is still left unanswered to men. Even when we reflect upon the 2000 film, What Women Want - lead character, Nick Marshall (played by Mel Gibson) seems to have all the answers. But does he really? Is it an inevitable fact that men and women are predestined not to clearly understand one another? I vividly recall a playtime conversation between my son and daughter when they were just preschoolers. In amusement, I watched as my son took his metal matchbox cars and drove them all over his roadmap carpet. 'Vroom...vroom...' he mumbled. And there beside him, sat my three-year old daughter, tightly clasping her little fingers around her own two cars. Adamantly, she waved them in front of her older brother's face and attempted to make her cars have 'dialogue' with his cars. After a few moments of no response, (other than 'vroom, vroom'), my daughter quickly became frustrated. She folded her arms and marched over to me, "...Mom, Ryan isn't playing right," she said matter-of-factly. Initially, I wanted to chuckle but I knew she was quite serious. I asked her, "...what do you mean - he is not playing right?" She blew out a huff and responded, "...I want his cars to talk to my cars and all he does is crash his cars into mine!" Peering over her head, I saw that my son was unnerved and oblivious to his sister's obvious irritation. While she stood there with absolute disgust, he continued playing with his metal vehicles. It was at that point that I let out a little giggle, and I gave her a simple answer, "...sweetie, boys like to play and girls like to talk." It may not have been the answer she was seeking, but this tiny event has shed some light to a wide-spectrum issue in two, very different sexes. Throughout life, I have personally learned that men are action-oriented, whereas women are interaction-oriented. And from personal experience, I have seen that many of these attributes are innate traits stemming back to prehistoric times where males were considered hunter/gatherers and females, considered nurturers. While human evolution has dramatically evolved with modern technology; longer, healthier life spans and overall improved communication skills - it seems that men and women still do not speak the same language. Inherently, men use interactions to fulfill essential purposes: entertainment, information communication, task completion, and other related needs. Women on the other hand, prefer to interact to deepen levels of relationships - to better understand their counterpart, or to bring about resolution through interaction. In other words, when men and women communicate, we hear the same dialogue, but we perceive and practice verbal communications very differently. As with the case of my own two children, my son was absolutely clueless to my daughter's aggravation because he was preoccupied with his own actions. My daughter, however, was intent on interacting with him, and could not understand why he was ignoring her. This incident clearly demonstrates the concise perceptual differences between males and females. I have heard women tell me, `...he doesn't understand me,' or `...he's not listening to me...' And men, will rebuke, `...I don't know what you're talking about.' It's not that men don't listen to women - it's the fact that they are not hearing precisely what is being said; or perhaps they do not adequately comprehend the meaning behind the words. Additionally, because women are very interactive creatures, conversation may be invoked while men are actively engaged in a specific event, work or other project. When men are actively doing something, they are often so concentrated with their project that they simply do not hear a word. Women, however, may falsely perceive this inaction as disregarded communication. And then it's back to square one - `...why is he ignoring me?" To find resolve in relationships, both men and women have to realize that while we all must communicate for progressive action, it is also essential to understand that women and men clearly think in different terms at different times. Before we jump the gun, and imagine the worst of our human counterparts, we must think about what was said, and in what manner it was said as well. Tone of voice plays a vital role in determining our various forms of communication and interaction with one another. If we do not practice, or we are not perceptive to tone of dialogue, as well as the words themselves, then it will obviously be mistaken for a complete different communication altogether. In addition, when individuals do not automatically respond or don't hear others, it does not necessarily mean that the individual is being disrespectful or rejecting. Because we are only all too human, we have to accept that people make verbal and non-verbal mistakes that may or may not create tension in a relationship. If we begin to understand this is part of human nature, realize that we speak in different context, and comprehend that silence is not always a form of rejection, maybe then, both men and women will be able to reach each other on a positive level of interaction. © 4/2005 Are Men and Women Really from Different Planets? C. Bailey-Lloyd
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