| |
| |
|
Relationships, All the info you need! |
|
|
|
Forgiveness
"The important thing to remember when it comes to forgiving is that forgiveness doesn't make the other person right; it makes you free." --Stormie Omartian How do we know if we need to forgive someone, something, or even ourselves? We know because we feel a gnawing sadness inside of us, although we may not know the cause. The interesting thing about choosing not to forgive, is that it hurts us more than anyone else. Your inability to forgive anything or anyone in your world may hurt someone else a bit, but I guarantee it hurts you and your world a hundred times more. As a visual example, think of two goal posts set twenty-feet apart. A more content and peaceful life rests just after the goal posts - all you have to-do is run through the twenty-foot space, blindfolded and voila, you will be closer to the life you want. It will be a little tough, granted your are blindfolded - but there is a big enough area where you should be able to break through to the other side with a few attempts. Unforgiveness is like an eighteen-foot wall. Place that between your goal posts and now try running toward that other side. Maybe you'll get through. Most likely, you'll get some bad bruises, or maybe a broken bone, and probably give up, believing that there really isn't a space - just a brick wall. Like a wall, unforgiveness blocks our path. Forgiveness Brings Freedom An unforgiving nature is very costly in our lives. We may find ourselves attaching to other people in unhealthy ways, punishing other people, or losing hope in the world and in our peers. The first step in forgiveness is to understand all the elements of the incident we are trying to forgive. We may be forgiving God, a person who harmed or hurt us, or a person who has harmed or hurt someone we love. We may be forgiving our parents, our society, our world, or ourselves. Forgiveness does not mean that we are condoning hurtful actions. It doesn't mean that we accept inappropriate actions of others. Forgiveness does not mean that we forget how much we hurt. Forgiveness simply means that we acknowledge the deep pain we feel, but choose to move past that pain. We forgive those who contributed to our pain and let their actions become part of our past. We let go. We can dislike what someone has done to us, but we can still forgive them and allow them to be someone new, instead of freeze-framing them in that hurtful place. Sometimes looking at this in a different perspective can be extremely helpful. Think back and recall a time when you did something hurtful to someone. Perhaps you said something "off the cuff " that hurt someone's feelings, or perhaps you did something you were ashamed about. Take a few moments to recollect the most vivid example that you can. Now think through the series of events that led up to your action. You did something hurtful and how did the other person respond? Did they eventually forgive you? What would happen if they hadn't? What would happen if the person had stayed angry at you for that action? You made a mistake, a bad decision, or didn't think before acting, and if they didn't forgive you, they would never be able to see you how you are now. Unforgiveness chains people to their painful actions and pasts. We freeze that painful time. Can you see how that person would be missing all you could offer? Or how that person could become so focused on the pain you caused, that they would miss the other good happening around them? A classic example is the spiteful lover. You have probably met someone like this or have seen a likeness depicted in a movie. They have been "wronged" somehow in a relationship and have become adamant that the opposite sex is "not worthy of their time." Instead of realizing they had a painful experience, acknowledging it and moving on, they continually focus on their pain. Meanwhile, one thousand perfect matches could walk right by and they would never know. They are too busy focusing on life's injustices. Many friendships end this way. There is some fight or spat between close friends or neighbors, and instead of practicing forgiveness, people practice grudge-holding. Eventually, hearts grow bitter and less trusting. At one point in my life, I was so concerned with how others saw me. I wanted to make sure everyone had the actual facts on which to base their thoughts and opinions. If someone held what I perceived to be an unfair view, I would go to great lengths to get my own "evidence" into their hands or to defend myself. I cannot tell you how exhausting this was. Liberation came when I made the decision to truly "let go." I began to focus only on blessing others - no matter what they thought of me. I quit trying to "present my case" and instead began to "live my life." Everyday I set out to live the best life, and do the best work I am capable of doing. I will let that action speak for itself. Forgiveness means to "give as before." To quote John Bradshaw from his book The Family, "It means that we give up resentments and release the energy that has kept us in bondage." Think about an event where you have not forgiven someone. Write down what emotions you feel when you recall that event. Now think back to a time before that event happened. Did you feel these emotions? You probably did not. When you forgive, you give yourself the freedom to let go of the hurtful emotions and enjoy the positive that can be found. When there aren't any positives to be found, forgiveness gives us permission to let go, move forward and grow. Even when we have been able to forgive those who have hurt us, we often cannot forgive ourselves. Many of us unfairly hold ourselves prisoner to unrealistic standards that we would never expect of another person. Patricia Commins writes, "self-love is the only way to move forward. It is the only cure for the wounds of the soul, the only escape route from the negative patterns of the past." Self-Forgiveness Reality Check Exercise Recall an incident for which you have not forgiven yourself. Write about the incident in your journal. Now close your eyes. Imagine a morning where you are sitting in your kitchen with a cup of coffee one morning when a dear friend knocks at your door. Your friend is trying to hold back her tears, but you know she has been crying from her tear-stained face. You invite her in and she crumbles into the chair across from you. When you ask what is wrong, she bursts into tears, mumbling her story of sadness through strained breath. Imagine that her story of sadness is the same or parallel to the event recorded in your journal. Visualize yourself advising your friend. What do you say? Do you make her feel worse, by amplifying her mistake? Do you lecture her, implying she should hold herself hostage to her mistake and let it cause unhappiness throughout her life? Or do you take a different tactic? Take a moment to thoroughly visualize your response, and then write about it in your journal. A true friend would not let another friend suffer indefinitely - even for the worst of actions. Instead, a true friend would suggest accountability while encouraging self-forgiveness and forward movement. Try offering yourself that same wisdom. Try another quick visualization. This time imagine it is you who is crying at the table. Take the same attitude with which you responded to your friend, and apply it to your situation. Write out the council you receive in your journal. Try this exercise whenever you feel you are being unforgiving of yourself. Simple Self-Love Exercise For those of us who have not practiced self-love, it can be a difficult concept to grasp. Begin with a simple gesture of self-directed love. Perhaps it is five minutes of uninterrupted reading, or a hot bubble bath, or a walk in nature, or meeting a friend for a cup of coffee. It can be anything that validates the importance of treating yourself well. Create a list in your journal of simple ways you can express self-love. Affirm your value daily by practicing one of these exercises. Brook Noel is the author of The Change Your Life Challenge: A 70 Day Life Makeover Program for Women. Her unique program has helped thousands of women "makeover" all aspects of their lives. Learn more at http://www.changeyourlifechallenge.com
MORE RESOURCES:
Debt-Relief - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Love Advice: Let Fate Decide? One of the most commonly asked questions, What is Love? What is its exact definition? Well, there can never be a definite answer. Everyone got his or her own answer to it. Pros and Cons of Online Relationships Modern technology hasn't solved any of the problems of creating and preserving a good relationship. Computers and the internet have merely added a new wrinkle in old pattern of love and loss. Improve Your Love Luck with Feng Shui! Are you tired of looking for love without success? If so, the layout, furnishings, and energy of your home and bedroom could be part of the problem. When the areas of your home affecting your love life are cluttered, missing from your floor plan, or suffering from sha chi (harmful energy) it can be difficult to find and maintain a good relationship. Soul Mates - Finding True Love and Commitment Finding your true Soul Mate is something that many people hope to do. We all long for that one special person in our lives to make everything wonderful. To Apologize or Not to Apologize...That is the Question We don't like to say it and we don't always mean it, but despite the oft-quoted promise from the movie, love DOES mean saying you're sorry. Unfortunately the idea seems to have hung around long since the movie was put back on the shelf. Bring Back the Cilice Belt Among Dan Brown's many accomplishments is bringing the cilice belt to popular attention. Silas, Brown's tonsured hit man in "The Da Vinci Code", wears one and also flagellates himself with The Discipline, a knotted rope. Anniversary Blues Jamie and Kurt are a sweet, successful couple in their early thirties. In spite of loving each other deeply, they often find themselves in conflict over seemingly minor issues, as most couples do. The Evolution of Love Songs have been saying it for generations together. Ask anyone what the world needs and the one answer you would get is-" love". Zodiac Love Match - Can the Stars be Right? As a somewhat older gentleman (but still fairly good looking and somewhat romantic?) I have always enjoyed good relationships with the younger folk - Oh! The times I have been called upon over recent years to inspect and give an opinion on some poor new prospective boyfriend.Of course, it is somewhat flattering to be consulted for such advice by pretty young females. Hey There, Whats Your Money Personality? Guys who come up to women in bars and ask: "hey baby, what's your sign?" Since statistics reveal that couples fight over money more than any other issue, maybe a better question to start off a potential relationship is to first find out the other person's money personality.I just learned about money personality typing in a recent workshop and it is quite fascinating. Communication Is The Key To A Lasting Relationship "If you are trying to find ways to lead a more fulfilled life, at some point the spotlight of your attention will fall on your various relationships - with family, lovers, friends and colleagues," stated Take Control of Your Life, one of the series in Time-Life Books.Relationship can bring great pleasure and satisfaction where they work and unhappiness when they don't. Why Some Men Dont Want To Commit If you are dating, engaged, or still trying to find Mr. Right, then this week's message is for you - Why some men do not want to commit or find it very difficult to commit to women they supposedly love. The Five Minute Relationship Miracle "They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel." Carl W. Things Every Couple Should Know In my family law practice, one of the most common things I hear over and over from clients who have just had the law explained to them is, "I wish I had known that a long time ago!" Or, "If only I had known that before (whatever) happened." People entering any form of long-term relationship, whether married, domestic partners, or just living together, are typically unaware that their relationship to each other--and to third parties, like creditors or government agencies--are defined and governed by rules of law, often in ways they did not expect or would not have agreed to had they known. How to Have an Affair - Beware! People decide to have an affair for many reasons. They could have become disappointed with their marriage expectations which may have been too high to fulfil or they may simply want to carry on having an open relationship as they have in their past. A Womans World Women are simply wonderful don't you think? This question is not just aimed at us men but to women also! Throughout my life women have played a massive part in my upbringing from my Mother, my Aunts and to my very lovely and sadly missed Grandmother. These women have nurtured me and shown me what it takes to really be a man. Jinxed Relationships -- Are Yours? Do you consider yourself unlucky in love? Have your relationships all been ending on a sad note lately? Perhaps you've come to the conclusion that you are jinxed! Before you give up on love, or decide that it never existed in the first place, please join me; let's take a look at loving from a different perspective.Experts at the game of life and loving tell us that there are four important laws that we must know, and use to our advantage. When A Two-Salary Income Fails While this may not apply to everyone, you may find that a second salary brings in substantially less than you thought it would. In the beginning, Rachael thought that since she and her husband were just about breaking even as a couple, that staying home with the new baby would not work -- infant needs seemed endless. How Can I Get My Partner To Change? How much energy do you spend trying to get what you want from your partner? Think about it for a moment - how much of your thinking time is spent on what to say to your partner to get him or her to be the way you want him or her to be?Many of us spend a lot of time thinking about how to get what we want from our partner - how to get our partner to open up, be more caring, see us, love us, pay attention to us, spend time with us, have sex with us, and so on. We spend at lot of energy trying to get what we want from our partner because we believe that if only we do it right - behave right or say the right thing - we can have control over getting our partner to change. Relationship Advice: Top 2 Secret Ways To Become Irresistibly Magnetic To Your Wife According to new studies 5 out of 10 marriages will end in divorce. Without going into the typical boring drawn-out discussion on divorce, I'm going to get straight to the point.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2007 RichiesList.com |