| |
| |
|
Relationships, All the info you need! |
|
|
|
Relationship Conflict - Blow Up or Blow Through
Every now and then I hear a "relationship expert" say that they have never had a argument with their spouse. This is when I find myself thinking this person is either lying or certainly can't relate to me. Conflicts come to all relationships. It's how we handle the conflict that make the difference between a great relationship and a break up looking for a place to happen. 3 Approaches to Avoid Blow Up - Blowing up is one of the most common ways to handle conflict, especially for men. Somehow we get the notion that getting mad at something can solve any problem. Maybe blowing up was modeled for us at home, or perhaps anger is the emotion with which we are most familiar. There's just a couple of problems with this approach. At best blowing up will distance people, and at worst, scares them, even scares them away. And it doesn't solve the problem either. Blow In - Blowing in is taking all those yucky feelings caused by conflict and swallowing them, stuffing them inside. Here's the kind of conversation that often occurs: Partner 1: "How did you like the movie?" Partner 2: "Fine." Partner 1: "How did you like the music?" Partner 2: "Fine." Partner 1: "Would you like to see it again?" Partner 2: "Fine?" Uh oh. One problem with blowing in is that if you do it as a lifestyle and for a lifetime, it can literally make you sick, even kill you. The body can only take so much poison before it causes damage. The other problem with blowing in is that anger and resentment will grow and build up. Sometimes for just a few minutes or days, sometimes for years, but an explosion is coming. So blowing in eventually leads to, you guessed it, blowing up. Blowing Off: This one appears so innocent, with statements from "Hey, it's no big deal" all the way to "Oh just get over it and get a life!" And yet it's not so innocent. Blowing off sends at least three lousy messages: =>you are not understood, =>you don't count, =>your feelings are not important or cared about. With just one of the above, you've got trouble. With all three, you've got a breakup looking for a place to happen. A Better Way to Handle It Blowing Through - Here's a few quick and easy steps: 1) See the conflict as the enemy, not each other. While it is easier said than done, it makes a huge difference. Seeing the conflict as an enemy from outside the relationship allows you to do two important things: =>avoid fighting to be right, =>team up and attack the problem together. 2) Identify the conflict. Name it so you can tame it. 3) Nuke it. Throw everything you have at it. All your creativity, silly and crazy ideas, all the skills, solutions and tools you each have, go into knocking this thing out in a way that works for both of you. And that's not all. To truly blow through a conflict, you've got one more thing to do........... 4) Set it up so that it's not likely to happen again. When conflicts like this arise again, and they will, you now have a game plan, an "our way" of handling it that allows you to blow right through it. Jeff Herring is a relationship coach, speaker and syndicated relationship columnist. For more "relationship first aid" visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com
MORE RESOURCES:
Group advocates tax increases and non-user fees for sewer debt relief - The Birmingham News - al.com
Debt-Relief - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Abusive Relationships Abusive relationships are so painful that I often wonder why it takes so long for us to know that it is abusive, addictive love we are experiencing. The damage created by an abusive relationship only worsens over time, weakening the abused and giving the abuser more power. Thick Slice, Or Thin? Malcolm Gladwell's book "Blink" is a fascinating read. The subtitle "The Power of Thinking Without Thinking" gives some clue to its thesis. Approval - You Dont Need It Yesterday, after receiving a massage to help ease my computer-aided muscle tension, I was described as an over-achiever. That got me thinking about value-laden language and what it really means. Q & A: Reuniting With a Lost Love >1. Who are the prime candidates to rekindle a romance?The most successful rekindled romances were lost lovers who had been 17 or younger at the time of the initial romance -- first loves -- and had separated for situational reasons, like "parents disapproved," "moved away. Commonsense Approach to Domestic Violence Domestic violence the catch phrase for the past ten years. People use the words as if they represent an incurable disease rather than what it really is, deplorable human behaviors. Tips For Proper Kissing Etiquette! Many cultures have customary kissing etiquettes. The French for instance kiss twice when they greet someone. Finding a Life Partner Dear Candace,I'm 35 years old and ready to open my heart to a true partner. I have honored myself in the past by leaving relationships that weren't right, yet I wonder if my idea of how I think it is supposed to be is preventing me from creating what I truly want. Never Ever Show Youre Jealous O.k. Diamond Promise Rings - For When You Mean It Diamond promise rings are quite common, but many are not all that sure what they are. What is a promise ring? And what does it mean?Promise rings (all of them, not just diamond promise rings, I just love diamond ones) are a symbol of a promise made between 2 people that both intend to keep. Travel to Find a Russian Bride Do you agree that the best lessons are lessons given to you by other people who have already made some mistakes so that you wouldn't repeat them? We are going to have a detailed observation of a certain man's trip. When coming to Russia he managed to make a lot of mistakes and he can hardly calm down with the idea of getting wiser and more experienced. Can a Male and Female be JUST Friends? Introduction Have you ever heard or have you ever seen, father-son; mother-daughter; husband-wife; boss-subordinates; brother-sister as a friend? Might be yes, but how often and how genuine. At the end of a day, the message is, "mein tumhara baap hoon, jo mein kahta hoon, who karo" (I am your father, do what I say). How to Ask for a Gratifying Sex Life So your relationship has changed over the years since you said "I do" and sex isn't what it use to be. First you should know that this is normal and common place in the majority of marriages. Yellow and Orange Flags in Relationships It's been said that love is blind. It may also be deaf and dumb, but in this article I'll deal with the onset of blindness that occurs at the beginning of a relationship. How To Give Women What They Want and Need-The Forgotten Method of Wooing Remember When?When you were in elementary school, high school, and maybe even college, when you had something to say to your girlfriend, fiancée or what-have-you, what was the medium you used to convey those special thoughts? The handwritten note. If you didn't use this method, where were you in your youth-in your cupboard underneath the stairs?Something to Think AboutHere's something for you to chew on-when you receive a letter from a friend or relative, what do you expect--maybe a printed letter, right? Okay, that's fine. Relationship Advice: 4 Ways to Handle an Unsolvable Relationship Problem 1) Leave the relationshipThis is the most common alternative chosen, and the reason for our high divorce rate. Our culture teaches that this is an easy choice to make, with little or no consequences. Zen And Romance The art of romance and the art of Zen are actually very similar. By romance we mean the feeling of love, happiness, joy and delight in just waking up in the morning. Find Your Love as Early as Possible Life is made of innumerable dots. Dots, which are part of your today life, will connect with tomorrow dots. Lab Created Diamonds Are Now Exceedingly Good When we think of precious gems, we usually spare little thought to the hard work that it takes to bring them to us in the beautiful jewelry that we love to wear, but diamond mining is, in fact, an expensive and dangerous procedure, reflected to the consumer in the price that must be paid to own one. Wouldn't it be wonderful if there were some way to recreate that same brilliance and beauty in a less dangerous, and hence less expensive way? Today's technological innovations mean that this does not have to be a pipe dream any longer - with lab created diamonds, we can wear beautiful gemstones produced by the intelligence of mankind, rather than the trials and tribulations of nature, and without the expense that mining brings. Is There Romance In The Zodiac? Many people know that the zodiac is a circle in the sky which is charged with twelve distinct energy fields. Astrologers have called these energies "signs. Rhubarb Romance: A Little Honey Works Wonders Spring is in the air. It is a time of new life.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2007 RichiesList.com |
