| |
| |
|
Relationships, All the info you need! |
|
|
|
[Conflict Resolution] The Philosophy of Fear and Confrontation
Is there now, or has there been, a person or two in your life that you have difficulty in maintaining a civil relationship with at times? It may be your spouse or lover; it may be a friend or a superior at work. We usually say "I have a love-hate relationship with this person." Fight OR Flight; Attack OR Evade; Right OR Wrong; All OR Nothing; Win OR Lose - all are a form of what we can call "The Philosophy of Fear and Confrontation." When we believe that a potential outcome has only two possible alternatives we come from a place of scarcity thinking and invariably add a good deal of stress to the system being addressed and limit what is possible. In every interpersonal conflict both sides wind up wounded, albeit one side perhaps more than the other. Whenever a person feels that you must be wrong in order for me to be right, we invariably denigrate not only the other person's point of view, but their overall character as well. We move away from attacking the issues at hand, and get involved in attacking each other. Arguing between right and wrong is often simply an excuse to prove myself somehow superior to you. "With my superior insight, with my superior intellect and knowledge, with my superior position in the world, I look to show you how your perception of reality is incorrect." When I think of you and your opinions as being somehow inferior to me and my opinions, it is no wonder that you are not willing to agree with the opinions I put forth. In order to agree with my opinions, you would have to be willing to believe that you are somehow inferior to me. When engaging in conflict resolution with others, staying locked into grappling between one of two possible outcomes requires that we both shut down our ability to notice additional alternative realities. When two individuals are locked into a confrontational mode of exchange, both parties to the conflict lose the possibility of acquiring information that might offer generative solutions that either side has yet to think of. We lose the possibility of understanding that in some important way, our limited range of thinking tends to make both of us somehow "wrong." Or, to say it another way, we fail to realize that "We are both, both wrong and right, at the same time." We lose touch with the fact that given new sources of information, both of us might come to a different opinion. Often, the first step in successful conflict resolution requires that you acknowledge that your philosophy of fear and confrontation limits your ability to notice how a different way of thinking and a different way of using your body, would lead to a much wider field of possibilities. For the average person, the more you feel attacked, the more you will look to defend. The more you look to defend, the more you narrow your field of vision, tighten up various muscle groups, and limit the flow of blood and oxygen in your system. And guess what happens at such times. When my adversary notices that I am preparing to defend, he perceives instead that I am preparing to attack him. What does he do in this instance? Why the very same thing that I am doing! He tenses up and prepares for the worst. In this moment of entering into mortal combat we get swept away by the vortex of fear and confrontation that is being generated by the both of us. When we react from this place of "high alert" on a regular basis, we quickly wind up weakening our immune system, and severely limit our ability to defend ourselves from the onslaught of physical and emotional disease. In Aikido this leads us to say that "The best defense is no defense," which is another way of saying "The less defensive you are, the better able you are to defend yourself." Charlie Badenhop is the originator of Seishindo, an Aikido instructor, NLP trainer, and Ericksonian Hypnotherapist. Benefit from his thought-provoking ideas and a new self-help Practice every two weeks, by joining 7,000 subscribers to his complimentary newsletter devoted to Seishindo Somatic Life Coaching. You are also invited to learn more about the Seishindo approach to Anger Management issues, which draws from the wisdom of Aikido as well as scientific research. Participating in Charlie's on Anger Management Workshop can help you adopt the wisdom of Aikido to achieve a peaceful victory over anger.
MORE RESOURCES:
Debt-Relief - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Relationship Conflict: Lock Horns or Lock Arms One of my favorite comic strips growing up was "The Lockhorns." Not so much because it particularly funny (although it was), but because it seemed like a great model for how not to do love relationships. Whats Up With Unconditional Love? To tell you the truth, I'm a little disillusioned with the term unconditional love, lately. It's just not "natural". Are all Men Unfaithful? "Men are all the same. Stop looking for Prince Charming, Dreamer!""We just can't commit to one person! I Loooove Women!""I can't help it! Women want me!""I almost went with this co-worker of mine years ago, and I feel some kind of regret today that I haven't done it?""Caroline, I have an active sex life with my girlfriend. Do You Love Reading The Daily Horoscopes, Part I Have you ever wondered why you feel an instant attraction to certain people? These intense reactions are pre-determined by a powerful astrological principle commonly known as horoscopes.The daily horoscopes not only list the Zodiac signs for each month but also each signs' distinctive personality type. Communication Tips for Heart Healthy Relationships It doesn't matter how old we are, matters of the heart go on forever. It is well known that a healthy diet, exercise, and attitude are powerful determinants of a healthy heart. How To Save Your Marriage Getting married (or beginning an intimate relationship) is, in a way, like starting a business you've always wanted to own or a university program you've always wanted to enter.It may be relatively easy to begin but it is almost guaranteed to be very challenging to stay with it for the long-term and make it a success. An Introduction to Relationships "Love makes the world go around" was true when it was first uttered many years ago and remains just as true today. Love is what everybody is after. Spouse Improvement: Influence Your Partner to Change in Just 7 Steps Everyone has something they'd like to change in their partner. Here is a 7-step process to create a change in your partner. Successful on the Outside, Lonely on the Inside: Our Hidden Epidemic I say "Loneliness. Isolation. Your Relationships Begin With You As a single male in my mid-twenties, I find myself consciously and unconsciously thinking about and searching for that special someone. My goal has always been to be friends with my future wife for at least a year, date for a year, engaged for a year, which includes being married by the time I'm thirty. 46 Clues Your Partner is Having an Affair Some of these signs of a cheating spouse are "tongue in cheek" while others are tell tale signs that commonly appear with a cheating husband or cheating wife. There is no copyright. Five Easy Steps to Creating Your Dream Relationship Millions of singles across the world are looking to create relationship bliss. It takes time. Relationships that Work: How to Get Along with People Who Drive You Crazy Question: What % of your bad moods at work are caused by conflicts?Answer: About 80% (if you're like the typical person)Think about how those conflicts wreck your work: You slip into an angry or frustrated mood and suddenly your productivity takes a nosedive.It makes sense, then, that doing your part to strengthen relationships can boost your results: Fix the conflict, feel better, get more done. Squashing the Gay Relationship Killer Known As Jealousy IntroductionYou might feel it when that hot stud across the room at the gym gives your lover "the look-over." You might experience it if your ex-boyfriends ever cheated on you and then you project it onto your current man. How Much Time Do You Invest in Relationship Maintenance? When starting a new relationship, we usually adopt a subconscious idea as to how much maintenance this connection will need. Usually, if given some thought, we can throw a microscope over this concept while it is in its fledgling state. Did Casanova Really Need the Oysters? Scientists are rubbing their hands together with glee. A recent study of underwater creatures proves conclusively that oysters have certain properties that could very well enhance performance in the bedroom. The Counsel of Caution Caution is a word with a fine old-fashioned ring. The dictionary definition I have in front of me reads: "attention to safety, prudence, carefulness". Great Relationships: How to Solve Problems and Have Fun Too I recently came across this quote:"There is a time in the life of every problem when it is big enough to notice and small enough to solve."When problems come in our relationships they can bring a great deal of stress into our lives. Is This The One? Isn't that the million dollar question? How can I tell if this is the one? Is this one my soulmate? How will I know when I find the right one? There is no magic answer, but I can tell you what seems to work. I asked a psychic one time if a certain person was my soulmate. Don't Snuff Out Expressions of Liking It is hard to express all the emotions to somebody whom you love the most. Although one wants to share all those things which he/she has in his/her heart.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2007 RichiesList.com |