| |
| |
|
Relationships, All the info you need! |
|
|
|
Relationship Advice: Safety, Intimacy, and Fun
When people come in for marriage counseling, they bring their own expectations. Some people expect the therapist to say one spouse is wrong and the other right. Others expect to talk only about the problems in the marriage. Many come not knowing if they want to stay together or if they want to divorce. They do know they don't want the marriage to continue as it has been. Playing off of that last expectation, one of the questions I usually ask is, ``If you could design your relationship any way you wanted it, what would it be like?'' Some common themes usually emerge. People often want a sense of connection, feelings of closeness and friendship and/or the passion they once felt for each other. One of the most common themes I have noticed in recent years can be summed up by the words ``safety, intimacy and fun.'' Each of these ingredients brings a special and important quality to marriage. Let's take a closer look. Safety Even though this is a given, it's important to emphasize that safety from any kind of abuse is necessary for a marriage to thrive. If there is any kind of abuse, get help immediately. Having said that, there are a few other key factors that promote the sense of safety: Freedom to express emotions. Being able to talk about how you feel without being told you are wrong for feeling that way is crucial in creating an atmosphere of safety. Hearing about the other person's emotions without interpreting them as a statement of your worth. Many couples get stuck on this one. Sometimes feelings just are; they are not necessarily a comment on the other person. A growing sense of trust. Sometimes in marriage, trust can be damaged. It's important to make sure that trust is increasing rather than diminishing. Intimacy When we talk about intimacy, we often think of sex. While sex is an important (and fun) part of intimacy in marriage, there are many other factors that create intimacy. Have you ever considered that intimacy is a skill? But it's just not one that most of us are taught while growing up. Here are a few of the key skills involved in intimacy: Self-disclosure. This is the ability to talk about how you feel and to let someone into your emotional world. In a sense, this is honoring the other person by saying ``you are important enough for me to share with you my deepest thoughts and feelings.'' Vulnerability. Somehow we get the notion that we have to be tough and strong all the time. In a healthy relationship, there is a trading back and forth of strength and vulnerability. It's a sign of trust in a relationship. Empathy. The ability to step into others' emotional worlds and ``see through their eyes and feel through their hearts.'' Fun Many couples complain that they no longer have fun together. They feel like roommates at best and strangers at worst. Part of the glue that holds marriages together is sharing fun times together. The memories of fun together can keep you going in the rough times as well. Here are two suggestions for increasing fun in your marriage: Think back to some of the most fun times you have had as a couple. Choose some of the things you did in the past. Now do them again. I know that sounds too simple, but it really can be. Each partner should make a list of things he or she likes to do for fun. Exchange lists. Then each person gets to pick two things to do off of the other person's list. Plan on when to do them. Then do them. More safety, intimacy and fun strengthens your marriage. You might want to try working on each of these over the next few months. Enjoy the changes. Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.
MORE RESOURCES:
Debt-Relief - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Never Ever Show Youre Jealous O.k. Relationship Problems: Solvable or Unsolvable Every so often, I will hear a relationship speaker claim that they have never had a fight or problem in their marriage. My response to such a claim is that the person is either1) lying or2) certainly can't relate to me. Finding Love With Feng Shui If true love has been eluding you, you could increase the chances of meeting someone you fancy by activating the Romance sector in your home.Where can you find your Romance sector?One way is by using your Chinese horoscope. 10 Reasons Why Married Couples Grow Apart (Part II) This is a continuation of part one of this article which covered aspects such as communication, paying attention, affection and staying connected. We will continue to explore some of the underlying reasons why many married couples seem to be drifting apart and offer suggestions how to prevent or minimize these pitfalls. How to Turn Down Invitations Gracefully All of us occasionally receive social invitations that we don't want to accept.How do we handle turning down these invitations without hurting or insulting the person who invited us?If you are turning down an invitation, first be very clear in your own mind whether you are turning down the particular event, the person who issued the invitation, or both. Prince Charles and Camilla - The Greatest Love Story Of Our Time Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles have loved each other for over thirty years. Their love story is the greatest love story of our time. Sad Scientific Facts About Love Disaster results when we see women trying to change a man's behaviour. According to evolutionary biologist Rosie Mestel, what women perceive as bad male behaviour (lying, cheating, ogling other women) is actually part of a biologically based prime directive to procreate as fast as possible. Are You A Hopium Addict? Are You A 'Hopium Addict?'If the question alone was enough to make you recoil in horror, it doesn't necessarily mean that the term couldn't possibly apply to you. You may not have heard the term before, but your reaction may be because you are a closet hopium addict. Thick Slice, Or Thin? Malcolm Gladwell's book "Blink" is a fascinating read. The subtitle "The Power of Thinking Without Thinking" gives some clue to its thesis. Should I Give Up Me To Not Lose You? How far can you afford to bend your values to preserve your relationship? How far can you go in giving yourself up to avoid losing your partner? How much of yourself can you afford to sacrifice to not lose someone you love? How do we find the balance between maintaining our integrity and bending our values?Most relationships require us to bend to a certain extent, but how much can we bend without a sense of loss of self?There is an inherent paradox in these questions: A truly loving relationship is a relationship where each person accepts and even values the differences between them. If you have to excessively bend your values to preserve the relationship, what are you preserving? You are not preserving a loving relationship since love does not demand that you excessively bend your values. 20 Tips to Keep Love Alive Have you ever been at a loss to think of something special that you can do for that special someone in your life? Maybe you want to do a little extra for an important event, like his or her birthday, Valentine's Day, Christmas, or anniversary.Here are some excellent tips and ideas of some special actions that you can take to help keep love alive in your life. Relationship Advice: A Few Observations on Marriage and Relationships Here are a few observations on marriage and relationships.Information ExplosionJust the other day, a couple in their late 60s said a remarkable thing to me. Five Tips for Breaking Free of The Drama Habit and Developing a Healthier Arguing Style We all feel angry from time to time, but feeling angry and acting like a raging, out-of-control child during moments of anger are two very different things. And when anger "crosses the line" in the context of an intimate relationship, it can cause extensive-and sometimes even irreparable-discord and damage. Stop Making Relationship Mistakes! Avoid Another Unhappy Relationship! It is possible for women to steer clear of an unhappy relationship. However, it will require taking an honest look at themselves and their relationship mistakes. My Concept From my own personal experiences with relationships I believe in a concept that I have been working with, at least in my mind's eye, which is to give generously of yourself in your relationship. Always do what you can for your partner to make him or her happy, regardless if they invest in you. Flirting For A Long-Term Relationship Have you ever wondered why we flirt? I mean, we've all done it at some time but it's one of those things that we do without really giving any though to why or how.Quite simply, flirting's our way of letting the opposite sex know that we're available. Hunter and Gatherer Deep down, we haven't evolved as much as we would like to believe. Like the caveman, we still want to curl up next to someone during the dark of night so that we aren't so alone in the cold survival game. Lifelong Partners, Lifelong Growth Many people, maybe even you, think there is only one life partner for each of us in our lives. I've got good news - we all have many, many life partners. Is This The One? Isn't that the million dollar question? How can I tell if this is the one? Is this one my soulmate? How will I know when I find the right one? There is no magic answer, but I can tell you what seems to work. I asked a psychic one time if a certain person was my soulmate. The Informal Normal In a Black-Tie-Affair World Have you noticed the trend?You ever notice how on programs like "The Bachelor" most of their dating episodes are via limousine escort? They travel to lavish destinations amid scenic splendor. The sunsets are so beautiful you can almost hear nature singing its own rendition of, "Love Is A Many Splendid Thing".
|
| home | site map |
| © 2007 RichiesList.com |