| |
| |
|
Relationships, All the info you need! |
|
|
|
Are You Really Ready For a Relationship?
So often I hear, I want a boyfriend, I'm married but I'm not happy. I just got divorced and I don't want to make the same mistake again. When will I find someone? It occurred to me recently that in order to be in a relationship that works, it's necessary to be ready to enter one. I know that sounds really simple, but if we look at our national divorce rate, you can see that it is not simple. In fact, I seriously doubt that many people consider their readiness for marriage or relationship of any sort. I think the average scenario goes something like this. He is attracted to how she looks. She is attracted to his energy and productivity. They start dating and eventually she thinks it might be a good idea to get married. He goes along because he is sure it's going to get him regular sex and then all their friends and relatives get excited about their wedding. They have a big celebration and then they start to realize there is more to marriage than living together. Please forgive me for the offensive simplification of this scenario. It is merely an illustration. My awareness heightened when I began working with clients who were in a state of chaos. They were in various stages of post relationship survival. Their finances were in a shambles. Some were broken hearted, with no self-esteem, out of work, wondering what to do about their rent and utilities payments and seeking coaching about their relationships. Many, I think, were planning on having a new relationship rescue him/her from impending disaster. I started to think about parameters for readiness in relationship. What specific standards and status should be the baseline? What exactly constitutes readiness? What is definite is that nothing is definite. So where do we start? First is desire. The desire to be part of something is manifested in relationship. You can't be "in" relationship unless you want to be. Partnership demands a serious time commitment, one on one conversations, planning, dating, socializing, compromising, making love, having sex, playing, working, sleeping, having children and raising them, shopping, cleaning house. Granted, some of these things you would do even if you were not in relationship. However, once you are seriously committed, as in living together, every one of the above -mentioned tasks involves agreement and participation by both partners. Even prior to living together, finding someone you are willing to try being in relationship with is practically a full time job. So many of the people that I talk with in my work, tell me, I just don't have the energy to go through the process of dating and getting to know someone well enough to feel comfortable being authentic and intimate. Don't you agree that many people settle for what they have, even if unsatisfying, because it's just too much work to change it? Those that I have coached all the way to marriage and beyond have been serious about getting married. They wanted it, they were willing to do whatever it takes to find and enroll the right partner. They also do whatever it takes to maintain the level of passion and intimacy, production and appetite that are necessary to sustain a healthy, vibrant, satisfying relationship. In other words, they do not assume that once you are in a "marriage" or "committed relationship" that IT will take care of itself. One seemingly unrelated concept that has forever been an annoyance has to do with loan applications. Bear with me on this. Whenever you submit a loan or credit application, the first response of the lender is to check your credit and your financial picture. If it appears that you need money for any reason, the likelihood of approval for financing is almost nil. However, if you appear financially stable with plenty of unused credit and a steady job and money in savings, every financial institution is clamoring to lend you money. So how does this relate? It is my opinion, that love and relationship operate in the same way. Let's say you go to the love bank and ask for a boyfriend/girlfriend, a serious one perhaps leading to marriage. The love bank manager takes a look at you and says. You work too much, you spend all of your money, your credit cards are maxed-out, you have diminished self esteem and a broken heart from the last one, you're physically and emotionally bankrupt, and you don't trust anyone. REJECTED!!! Now, you are really in need of someone to save you so you continue looking at all of the B and C rated love lenders, bars, pick up joints, work, internet dating services, personal ads until you find someone who is as needy as you are. You need someone to rebuild your self-esteem and reassure you that you are indeed lovable. WRONG!!!!! Although I have never been fond of credit reporting agencies and the use of their information by lending institutions, there is some validity in their strategy that is applicable to relationship coaching. In order to be ready for a serious relationship, one must achieve the following: 1. Desire to be in relationship 2. Self - esteem. Know that you are attractive and have something to offer another person. 3. Financial stability. At least enough income to take care of your housing and basic needs and minimal credit card debt. 4. Work. A job that satisfies some of your achievement needs. 5. Vulnerability. Enough healing that you are able to share your authentic self with this person. 6. Love. An abundance for yourself with enough left over to share with another person. I am not saying that you must be in perfect shape. What I am saying, however, is that you will attract a person who is your balance, someone who has the same or different issues in the same proportions. If you are needy, you will attract neediness. If you have intimacy issues you will attract someone who is shut down. So it is in your best interests to undertake a personal redevelopment plan prior to looking for a relationship. Be the best you that you can be to offer to another person. This seems to be a great way to start the new year. Funny, how it usually happens that someone who has been taking extraordinary care of themselves and not looking for a relationship suddenly finds him/herself in love. Relationship coaching is life coaching. Life becomes extraordinary when we discover that being absolutely committed to taking care of ourselves, leads to abundance in every aspect of our lives. Buy my book http://www.HowToGetWhatYouWantFromYourManAnytime Enroll in an e-course http://www.RomanceReentry.com Request a consultation http://www.gettingwhatyouwant.com e-mail me at Susan@gettingwhatyouwant.com "I help people who want sacred intimacy in a hot relationship, get what they want from each other so that they can experience more fun, more sex and less bickering!" 818-548-0849
MORE RESOURCES:
Debt-Relief - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
What You Should Know About Domestic Abuse What is domestic abuse?There are many forms of domestic abuse, ranging from screaming threats to pushing and shoving. Contrary to what many women think, abuse isn't just physical battering. How to Find Out If Your Wife or Girlfriend Is Cheating On You What drives a woman to cheat may look a lot different than what drives a man to cheat however; it's really not very different. Most extramarital affairs happen because of unmet needs in the relationship. Improve Relationships With Style Have you ever felt that relationships are messy? These messes, are they inevitable? Is there anything to do to minimize the mess? Can cleaning a messy relationship be possible? How do you manage a relationship with some many different kind of people?GET TO THE POINTMaybe a forceful, loud and lively person gets your attention with their to the point style in a meeting or encounter. If you ask him or her about any of their goals or what they are up to, what sticks out most is their remarks wrapped in "what it will do for me. Finding Love With Feng Shui If true love has been eluding you, you could increase the chances of meeting someone you fancy by activating the Romance sector in your home.Where can you find your Romance sector?One way is by using your Chinese horoscope. What's Special About Abused Women? Before writing this article, I stopped and thought hard. By writing this, would I be putting potentially harmful information in the hands of abusive men? Would I be putting more women at risk? The answer kept coming back 'no' - although the question did bring to mind another characteristic of abused women that I'll come back to. Why Doesnt She Leave Him? It's very easy to look, from the outside, at another woman's unhappy relationship and ask: 'Why on earth does she stay with him?'It's especially easy if the man in question exhibits the subtle charm of Attila the Hun - or the social graces of Fat Bast*rd in Austin Powers. Some abusive men parade their hostility and prejudices as proudly as if they were merits. The 7 Stages of a Romantic Relationship There are seven stages in a romantic relationship: avoidance, meeting, dating, breaking up, establishing exclusivity, commitment, and keeping the love you find. Each of these stages vary in length and intensity. How Do I Get Him or Her To Talk To Me?!!! This is a common concern in our society for single people of any age; how to make contact with someone that we like on a soft matter without being forward. The truth of the matter is that we have the opportunity to meet that special person everyday; at the bus station, at the grocery store, at church, at a class, at the gym, at the coffe shop, at the library. The Five Minute Relationship Miracle "They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel." Carl W. Recharging Your Relationship Now you may ask why we would write an article about developing better relationships. The reason is because I believe that those who are in a relationship will be significantly and directly affected in all areas of their life by how that relationship is going, and how healthy that relationship is. Sound Seduction Advice for Dating and Romance Success BackgroundSeduction is a subtle tool used with the ultimate goal in mind of attracting and having sex with a chosen partner. Seduction is a form of flirting, but is more ambitious in its means, fulfilling our desire for sex and companionship. How Can Empathy Shape Your Values? One of the most underrated concepts that most people overlook is approaching life from an empathetic standpoint.Despite our best intentions, it is not always that we live by this ethical code that is deeply embedded in all of us. Shattered Visions Sometimes it takes a girlfriend in order to have a really good shopping trip. It takes having someone who knows you very well either urging you forward on a contemplated splurge--or holding you back before you plunge ahead on one she knows you'll live to regret. Relationship Advice: A Few Observations on Marriage and Relationships Here are a few observations on marriage and relationships.Information ExplosionJust the other day, a couple in their late 60s said a remarkable thing to me. Relationship Advice: Grieving Before Going On Q. I got married for the first time when I was 20, and it lasted less than two years when my wife left me for another guy. Creative Visualizations for Love To manifest love through creative visualization, you first need to learn how to suspend or hold an image of the desired outcome in your mind in as much detail as possible.For instance, let's say that you need to resolve an argument with a dear friend. Emotional Investments It is a given truth that there are people out there in the world, married and single, who are afraid of allowing any emotional attachment or involvement in a relationship. This is a destructive element inanyone's life. Can This Relationship Be Helped? I have been counseling couples for 35 years. Quite often individuals come in for help wondering if it is really possible to save or improve their relationship. Great Relationship Advice: The Ability to Create a Vision for Your Relationship Many of us stumble into marriage and then continue to make it up as we go along. But relationships need much more conscious planning in order to be successful. Like Father Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 5, 2004I was married for 21 years to a man who enjoyed strip clubs, drinking, and his buddies. These things became important to him after we married, and part of his job as an undercover cop.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2007 RichiesList.com |
