| |
| |
|
Relationships, All the info you need! |
|
|
|
Being Mindful of Your Mates Space
SOMETIMES I'LL ask a couple I'm seeing in therapy to do the following exercise. 1. The husband and wife stand about six feet apart. 2. The husband walks slowly toward his wife until he reaches a point where he no longer feels comfortable. Some men stop about three feet from their wives. Others stop at 30 inches and still others at 27. 3. The wife now moves toward her husband or steps back from him, depending on how much space she feels she needs between the two of them. The purpose of the exercise is to help a couple understand that each has an invisible boundary line. If the husband moves into the wife's space, shell immediately step back to reestablish her boundary. Everyone has a different physical comfort level. It's a fascinating phenomenon to observe in yourself as well as others. Walk up to anyone and generally you'll see the person step back from you or move toward you. If the person steps back, you may move closer. If the person steps forward, you may move back. Usually the two of you will move around until you establish a comfortable space between you. Just as people have invisible physical boundaries, they also have unspoken psychological ones. When these are crossed, there is discomfort and sometimes even an argument. One psychological boundary people have is their tolerance for talking. Some people like to talk. Others like quiet. If a wife likes to talk and her husband likes quiet, her talking may create a sense of uneasiness in him. His psychological space is being invaded. He may address his discomfort by walking out of the room or tuning out. The wife, on the other hand, may feel anxious when her mate doesn't talk. One might say her psychological space has been invaded by his silence. She may address her uneasiness by picking a fight to get the verbal energy flowing. Household noises often cross people's psychological boundaries. One spouse may like the TV volume higher than the other. When the volume is up, one person feels intruded upon, but when it's down, the other is uncomfortable. One couple has trouble when the husband watches sporting events, particularly football. His wife becomes anxious and distressed. The continual talking of the announcer and the roar of the crowd impinge so much on her psychological boundary that she feels a need to run away and leave the house. Another psychological boundary involves how much information spouses believe they should share with others about their relationship. The husband may see no problem with telling his best friend that they're having financial difficulties. But the wife may think that discussing their problems with others is a betrayal of the relationship. A couple may have different psychological boundaries when it comes to the number of things they like to have around the house. Some people feel most comfortable with many collectibles sitting around. Others want absolutely clean surfaces and a lot of knickknacks create a sense of discomfort. Think of yourself and your mate. How far apart are your psychological boundaries for talking? Noise level? Sharing information with others? Items around the house? Conflict frequently results when couples fail to respect each other's psychological boundaries. Understanding your boundaries as well as your mate's will make you more tolerant and reduce stress between the two of you. Doris Wild Helmering, LCSW, is a psychotherapist in private practice in St. Louis. She is the author of eight books, numerous magazine and newspaper aticles and is a frequent guest on TV and radio. Doris has guided countless individuals and couples to more satisfying relationships with her practical, solution based action plans. Visit Doris at http://www.doriswildhelmering.com/blog
MORE RESOURCES:
Debt-Relief - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
How To Find The Perfect Roommates If you have looked high and low, left and right and even peaked around the corner and are starting to think that finding your perfect roommates is just not possible, think again. You can find the roommates you have been looking for by following the old saying "ask and you shall receive". My Broken Heart I guess my soulmate wasn't all he was cracked up to be. You know this has to be the last time I write about him because it is completely driving me crazy dealing with this whole thing. Relationship Advice: Two Tips for Great Relationships Relationship Tip 1I've been blessed with working with thousands of couples over the last 25 years. Out of all those couples, it has been very very rare to see a situation where both people did not have their fingerprints on the mess. You Have to Read Heartbreak Rescue Just For You "The truth that makes men free is for the most part the truth which men prefer not to hear." Herbert AgarIt may not be exactly what you want to hear, but I think this is especially true when it comes to relationships. Pay Attention! Mastering Communication Skills with Women One of the biggest complaints women have about men is they just don't listen. This can cause big problems in the relationship. Improve Your Relationship by Taking Care of Yourself First It's important for you to take care of yourself before you try to fix your relationship. The old saying 'You can't give away what you don't have" applies here. The Secret of Relationship Success With a divorce rate in this country that approaches 50%, and a fairly sizable percentage of marriages that aren't particularly blissful, it's difficult to avoid searching for the answer to the battle of the sexes.Would you like to stop searching?We've moved through the old paradigm of getting your needs met in relationships, and it has proven itself to be a miserable failure. Breaking Your Relationship Pattern, Part 1 When you were little, you looked up to your parents. You imitated their mannerisms, words, and actions as you learned about life by watching them. Power Struggle! The greatest asset we have in human existence is our soul growth, but somehow we have that confused with becoming powerful. Power does not bring growth unless we understand the essence of sharing that power. How To Tell If Someone You Meet In An Online Profile Or Advert Is Married/Partnered Or A Troll - 2 Troll Detection Made EasyDue to their overwhelming lack of social skills, the gay man's 'trolls' aren't that hard to detect if you know what to look for.The majority of them are usually oblivious to anyone or anything but themselves, and thus behave in a way that makes you shudder with embarrassment. Relationship Advice: After the Break Up - Creating an Exit Door in Your Heart Q. It's been over a year since the guy I thought I would be married to broke up with me. Abusive Relationships Abusive relationships are so painful that I often wonder why it takes so long for us to know that it is abusive, addictive love we are experiencing. The damage created by an abusive relationship only worsens over time, weakening the abused and giving the abuser more power. Soulmates, Are They Pre-ordained? One day a telegram arrived at a man's door. When he opened it, he learned that his best friend had passed away. Great Relationships: Checkbook Battles and How to Solve Them "You can't hold on to a dime. Do you own the mall yet?!""It takes a crowbar to open your wallet. Maybe Not Bones, But Hearts...And Worse: The Destructive Power of Simple Speech Out of the blue, slap bang in the middle of a working day, an unexplained sensation inside your mouth breaks your concentration.You have deadlines to meet, and you react merely by immersing yourself with new determination in the task in hand. The Revenge Affair: Characteristics of the Adulterer "I Want to Get Back at Him/Her" is one of 6 kinds of affairs I outline in my E-book.This is the "revenge affair. 8 Ways to Improve Your Long Distance Relationship Couples in love may often find themselves having to live apart for a period of time throughout their relationship due to job commitment, studies, military obligation and etc. This has made us wonder whether a relationship can survive the physical distance. Be Glad That There's Quarrel in Your Relationship Is your love relationship smooth? Have the both of you actually quarreled before? If your answer is yes, then you should be happy and be glad that it happened. But if your answer is however a no, then you should be aware of the danger that you are facing. You CAN Improve Your Relationship It seems as if creating successful relationships with our significant others and parenting children are two of the most difficult jobs we face and yet we get no formal training in either. It's as if people believe that we are born with an inherent ability to do these two things. The Wrong Kind of Love A lot of people have the wrong kind of love and don't even know it. If you are experiencing any of the following issues I have listed in this article, then you definitely have that wrong kind of love.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2007 RichiesList.com |
